This moment, is Inevitable!

                                                                                                          Photo by Jimmy Chang on Unsplash

In my last post,http://www.justonemorecupofchai.com/2018/03/time-wise.html , I reasoned as to why empowering yourself to 'living the moment' is the most meaningful gift to give yourself and others around you. Until a couple of years back I wasn't aware that by wandering into the past and the future, I let the life pass by in the present. When it dawned on me that life is only limited to this moment, and one moment at a time, it hit me in the face that I have just let half of my life pass by unnoticed, except for a few occasions. No prizes for guessing that those are the occasions that I was fully attentive to, fully alive. Apparently most of these occasions were either those of fear or sadness and few of profound revelations. I had been practicing mindlessness so efficiently that I had no tools that could get me back on track. I then took up reading and listening to the Philosophers, Neuro-scientists, Historians, Yogis, Buddhist Monks, Spiritual Gurus, Mystics, basically whoever I believed could lead me to a path to living mindfully. As I understood the concept and its value, I began experimenting with the lessons and practices.  Some worked better than the others. Few of these practices have helped me in focusing on 'RIGHT NOW'; because this moment, for sure, is inevitable! In this post, I have tried to compile a list of few routines that keep me in the moment. I do not claim that I have achieved the ultimate bliss in any sense of the word, but I do find bliss in the moment of awareness and enjoy life better. I am here only to share and not preach and am totally open to more recommendations, questions, counter arguments that will help us move on. Read on,

• Be Grateful-  We do not pause to be grateful in life but a deep sense of gratitude can make you value your presence in this moment. A year back I heard about the 5 Minute Journal on 'The Tim Ferriss Show' and then researched more about it. It starts with a 5 minute morning routine of being grateful for 3 things in life every single day. It is a great way to start any day. I wake up before sunrise in the silence of the dawn to take a grateful pause to acknowledge any three aspects of my life. It may be people, events, an opportunity given to me, kindness shown by random strangers, the natural world around me or simply my state of being in that moment. I make it a point to be thankful for life's hurtful moments and failures as well and trust me, it is quite important to be grateful for those, because it is in those moments that profound life lessons are learnt. These events make us stronger and wiser. Persian poet Rumi beautifully said"Wound is the place where the light enters you". When I start my day in gratitude, it is humbling as you feel the world around you is working to teach you something only if you pay very close attention. I try take every tough situation as an opportunity that is disguised to teach me a valuable lesson, even if it is just to challenge me to stay calm. 

• Be Empathetic and Kind- I used to think that I have always worked very hard and have gone through a lot of pain to achieve what I have achieved today. Thinking that way did make me proud and had me behave very rudely in situations where I faced ignorant some. I then practiced conscious compassion for the less fortunate people around me and the pain they might be going through, I felt blessed and so privileged that I could not take any part of my life for granted. Everyone is their present self because of what they have gone through and what lessons their experiences have taught them. Whatever our situation is, however bad we think it is, we can surely find someone who would give anything to have the blessed life that we have. This practice washes away any anguish I may feel for things I cannot have or cannot do. It helps me to accept situations, people and world as is, without prejudice or expectations, because in that moment it cannot be any other way. That makes me happy in my own space and drives me to be kind to everyone around me, including and especially, my own self.

• Watch Every Thought- I don't believe our thoughts make us what we are, but I do believe it is watching these thoughts carefully that leads us to know who we really are. Does this sound weird? Okay, let me give more clarity on this. I believe that our thoughts are a result of our experiences with life and our memories about them. If we take the memory of that particular experience out, that is shut down the default mode network, we would destroy all the thoughts that arise from that memory. Nevertheless, we do not seize to exist. That clearly means we are more than what our thoughts make us out to be. Does that make sense?? We have so many random thoughts that come into our head all the time and drag us into a spiral of evaluations, judgments, anger, hatred, worries, frustrations, apprehensions, anxieties, jealousy and sometimes even fantasy and ecstasy, all based on some memory of it registered somewhere in our brain. I am practicing to notice every conscious and subconscious thought I have and see where it comes from. In the process of entertaining these random thoughts, we miss out on the most beautiful or most important things that happen around us. Our life just bypasses us while we are stuck in a monologue or some imaginary movie, most of the times a horror one. That does not mean you should not think, however, it only means you should be aware of your thoughts so you know whether to respond to that thought or just let go. The R.A.I.N theory helps me Recognize, Accept, Investigate and then detach (Non-identify) almost every thought. 

• Be forgiving and do apologize- This may seem like a kind act towards others, but it is just the opposite. This is the most mindful and kindest thing I have done for myself. I am the kind who will forgive very easily, but apologizing was  (sometimes still is) a tough ball game for me especially when I am right (of course, according to me). In retrospect trying to teach a lesson to others, I probably have ended up hurting them, but have surely hurt myself even more. I would dwell on a situation long after it happened, about how the other person must've felt and tried justifying it or regretting it, but would never go personally and check on them and apologize or even let go.  Now I can and I do. We see this all the time in the age of keyboard crusaders and faceless conversations on merciless social media. I see that people do not think even once before causing hurt with mindless words they spill out on social media. Almost always they can hurt even a total stranger and out of sheer moral outrage and not facts. I am almost sure that the same arguments and allegations would be a lot more respectable and dialogue based than merely angry irrational reactions, if only they are in physical presence of the other. It hurts to see educated intellectual friends turning into foes for their political, ideological, religious and even food preferences. When we don't squander our hard earned money buying a badly designed dress or taking a trip to a boring place, why then we squander our most valuable time on something that does not bring us joy. At least with wasted money, one can be assured of its recovery in future, but where does one recover the lost time from? Remember that no one gets any extra time at the end of this game. 

• Make time for valuable relationships- With the world becoming smaller day by day, we take our close relationships for granted. Replying to a tweet or liking a Facebook post seems so much more important than meeting or calling an old friend or writing a letter to parents. Last year I started writing letters. It brought me so much joy just to pick that pen and write down my feelings. It brought so much joy to those who received them. I stopped only because a couple of them got lost in mail transit. The point is, make time for joyful memories with your close ones. Make them feel special. You don't have to be friendly to everyone on your friends' list, but be the good friend to at least a few. Also personally, I now rethink my relationships, indulging only in those that bring me joy and slowly fading out those that don't really matter; not by being rude or cutting them off, but just by reducing the time I spend on nurturing them out of obligation.

• Reduce multi-tasking and ask for help- This was by far the top quality I earned compliments for :) But, it was the most draining and stressful one for myself. Today, I have reduced, rather stopped multi-tasking. As I hit 40, I realized that my multi-tasking ability brings happiness to all around me, but my own self. I always believed that I could do four things at a time, but scientifically I now know that I can never do that. It is just that my brain goes to and fro that many times at faster rate between the four tasks. The tasks do get done in the end, but I am clearly exhausted and totally joy-deprived. The smile I used to put on at the end,  was just seeing others being happy with me, but not with the tasks done. By breaking away from this habit, I achieve much more and do things better than I did before. I am happier and clearly less tired. I also never asked for help before, as if, it was up to me to get everything done and earn the praise for being a  valued employee, awesome wife, great daughter/ daughter-in-law, and supermom. After bringing about changes in my life over the last 2 years, I find more joy in doing things one at a time and seeking help or saying no to some tasks. This was indeed difficult at first because it clearly disappointed others around me, but I chose not to be disappointed with my own life in stead. Focusing on one thing at a time and prioritizing brutally helps me live the moment completely, because, in reality, there is no where else you can truly be.

• Take care of your Body- My body is my temple where the divine energy dwells. Who will neglect their own place of worship? We all do, at least I do many a time. Our bodies work so hard and we, hardly care. Forget taking care, we actually don't even pay attention. Then when the body complains, our whole world suffers. I believe that if I listen to my body and know how to use it, feed it, maintain it, it will surely serve me better, much better actually. I have practiced yoga over past few years (on and off) and eat healthy home cooked food 98% of the time. I also break routines to play with my senses and that helps my senses stay in the moment, like brushing with my non dominant hand, write with the opposite hand, play 'say what you see' game, stop what I am doing and just focus on deep breathing for one minute, identifying ingredients in my food while eating, spotting A-Z or numbers in order while on the go and so on. Basically, doing things consciously rather than out of habit. Ever since I heard the story of BJ Miller , I know what it means to have all our body senses active. I try, most of the time, to be aware of bodily signals to decide how much to eat, how much to exercise, how much to sleep, how my skin feels in different places, notice what I see, listen carefully, smell the air around, savor the taste of food. Just being more aware of all the body senses, elevates my response to the surrounding. It also makes me celebrate my senses and not take them for granted. Can you imagine losing any one of them??!!

• Be Honest- This is the least we can do to ourselves. When I was in my second year of college, I found at the bottom of my close friend's mail a profoundly important quote. "The choices we make determine the lives we lead, to thine own-self be true". I pondered on this quote and it changed my Life for good. It basically inspired me to be honest with myself and others all the time, every single moment. This is the simplest conscious choice we can make in our daily lives. This does not mean I am just being honest in my action towards others, but I am constantly striving to be honest even in my thoughts behind my actions. I consciously practiced making that choice for years in a row and now I don't know how else to be. I cannot pretend to be something I am not, I cannot do things just because someone else wants or expects it of me or even to please someone close, I also do not avoid doing things that I want to do just because it will show me in a bad light. That makes me take responsibility for every single action I take. Even as a kid my parents discouraged me from blaming others for the situation I got in. They often told me that I should stand strong and be responsible for the decisions I take and be courageous to face its consequences, good and bad. This has been so inbuilt now that it hurts to see others living a life of  hypocrisy. I can almost always sense exactly when someone does something unwillingly or when someone is not being honest. 

• Take a Vacation- By vacation, I do not just mean go around the world getting as many stamps on your passport as you can. There is nothing wrong with that and you should do it if you can. However, here I mean you take a vacation to be with yourself in nature, in the wilderness, new city. Go on this vacation alone. When we travel alone, we are more attentive to things around us, about how we feel, about what we see and hear. It is a basic instinct of humans. As soon as we find ourselves vulnerable to all the elements around us, we put all our senses on guard. Such trips make me feel small in the grand scheme of cosmos, make me realize what truly matters. I totally enjoy trips with friends and family too , no doubt, but then I tend to get distracted from my senses. The focus is more on having fun.  It's been years since I have taken the lone trip and it is surely long due. You can also learn a new skill or take up an adventure sport or pursue your creative passion. Try this and be 100% assured to feel rejuvenated and the reason is because such trips keep you fully alive through all your senses.

• Meditation- This is the single practice (actually 3-in-1 with Yoga, Pranayam and Dhyaan) that I hold highest in achieving all of the above and much much more. This is not easy and needs a lot of effort and discipline. I started meditation initially to reduce stress and relax my mind, slowly I started deriving energy from it, I started looking more inwards than outwards, outside of my close circle of people things didn't hurt me easily nor did they get me excited. I thought it was a bad thing that I felt same all the time, but as I read about it, I realized that looking at your life moments as a third person and not being judgmental in a good or bad way is the true way to be joyful. I once read a quote "There is no path to Happiness, Happiness is the path" and that is so true. I can apply the same quote with a tweak for meditation. "Meditation is not a path to achieve the divine, meditation is a state of divinity". Today when I practice meditation, it is for the sheer joy it brings to me in those few minutes. I long to do more and more, but then the end tong rings at a time it is set to ring and I have to get back to my blissful day.

Thank you for taking time to read this. I have written so much and each point has so much more to talk about that it could well be a post by itself. So, do ask me questions if I am not clear enough. Please feel free to write to me if you have any tools that help your conscience and if you think I am wrong or not completely right on any of the practices. I will be more than eager to hear from your end, because right now I am a work in progress. Also, I would be more than happy to share the resources that have helped me for each of those practices, if any of you share some interest in this subject.